Yuri blurts that he's not, but it comes out too quickly, and he doesn't even look like he believes himself, and what's Victor supposed to do? He can't break everything they already have, but he can't take any of this back, and he wouldn't even if he could.
Selfishly, suddenly sure. That even if he's ruined it all, there was nothing else he could have done.
But he can't stand Yuri looking at him with those wary, caged animal eyes, and he doesn't know what to do to convince him that it doesn't matter, that whatever Yuri's thinking that he expects isn't. He doesn't care about any of that, it's all just window dressing right now, because nothing could be as important as just making sure Yuri wants to stay, and that Yuri is comfortable and happy. He'd said it didn't matter, and Yuri didn't believe him, and he'd said it was still just him, and Yuri had scoffed in his face.
What is there to say or do to prove it? "I don't ––"
He doesn't even know how to finish that sentence. Want anything from him? That's a lie, even if he doesn't mind waiting, even if it takes forever. He can't not want Yuri, it's been written in his blood and in every thought and every program for almost two years now.
Know what to do, what to say? True, but not helpful.
Want to hurt Yuri? True, desperately so, but still not what it seems like Yuri needs to hear. "You don't ––"
Need to worry. Do anything. Have to be afraid. He doesn't have to take off his shoes if he doesn't want to, doesn't have to talk, doesn't have to push past his comfort zone, doesn't have to test his boundaries, as long as he stays.
But it's all so hard to say, while Yuri is standing there too far away, and any other time Victor sees this face, he'd go hug him to try and soothe it away, so he does. Takes the few quick steps needed, hands up and empty in the universal signal for I'm unarmed, and wraps his arms around Yuri's neck, cheek pressing against Yuri's jaw and ear and hair. Still searching for the right words, but they're a little easier to find here. "I would never hurt you, Yuri. I love you."
More than he knows what to do with, most days, and always more every morning than the day before. "I don't want to push you too far."
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Selfishly, suddenly sure. That even if he's ruined it all, there was nothing else he could have done.
But he can't stand Yuri looking at him with those wary, caged animal eyes, and he doesn't know what to do to convince him that it doesn't matter, that whatever Yuri's thinking that he expects isn't. He doesn't care about any of that, it's all just window dressing right now, because nothing could be as important as just making sure Yuri wants to stay, and that Yuri is comfortable and happy. He'd said it didn't matter, and Yuri didn't believe him, and he'd said it was still just him, and Yuri had scoffed in his face.
What is there to say or do to prove it? "I don't ––"
He doesn't even know how to finish that sentence. Want anything from him? That's a lie, even if he doesn't mind waiting, even if it takes forever. He can't not want Yuri, it's been written in his blood and in every thought and every program for almost two years now.
Know what to do, what to say? True, but not helpful.
Want to hurt Yuri? True, desperately so, but still not what it seems like Yuri needs to hear. "You don't ––"
Need to worry. Do anything. Have to be afraid. He doesn't have to take off his shoes if he doesn't want to, doesn't have to talk, doesn't have to push past his comfort zone, doesn't have to test his boundaries, as long as he stays.
But it's all so hard to say, while Yuri is standing there too far away, and any other time Victor sees this face, he'd go hug him to try and soothe it away, so he does. Takes the few quick steps needed, hands up and empty in the universal signal for I'm unarmed, and wraps his arms around Yuri's neck, cheek pressing against Yuri's jaw and ear and hair. Still searching for the right words, but they're a little easier to find here. "I would never hurt you, Yuri. I love you."
More than he knows what to do with, most days, and always more every morning than the day before. "I don't want to push you too far."