He doesn't understand why that question makes his chest hurt. He's not sure he's made a single decision in the last hour. Not on purpose. Not thought about anything and done it, except this absolute necessity to fold himself into Victor, to kiss him back once he'd even figured out what was happened. Too slow and too stupid, even in that,
When had he made any decision to ever take one back.
The idea of even making one is what has him stuck, has everything snapping.
"That isn't the point." It's not. It's not. It's not. It doesn't matter what he wants -- if he wants this -- wants Victor, and even that is insane, insane, insane. "You're --" Victor. He's Victor Nikiforov. "-- you -- and everything you've already --"
And, oh, he doesn't swear, but he almost wishes he could. Swear, and scream, and bury his head into a pillow. Because it hits him viciously. How many time Victor probably has. How many people. Even selectively. Even not for long. No one else who would be standing here, like an idiot, frozen, arguing, like Yuri. Who doesn't deserve any of this, or understand in the slightest. All of it is wrong, and all of it hurts.
Victor, who has no issues with any of this. Victor, who has skated things like this. Wrote made Eros and gave it to Yuri.
"-- and I've never even --" Kissed someone until minutes ago, and he's trying to pull his hand back. He just wants to wrap his arms around himself. Curl his fists by his sides. Vanish. Hide. Stop existing.
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Date: 2017-04-13 06:01 pm (UTC)When had he made any decision to ever take one back.
The idea of even making one is what has him stuck, has everything snapping.
"That isn't the point." It's not. It's not. It's not. It doesn't matter what he wants -- if he wants this -- wants Victor, and even that is insane, insane, insane. "You're --" Victor. He's Victor Nikiforov. "-- you -- and everything you've already --"
And, oh, he doesn't swear, but he almost wishes he could. Swear, and scream, and bury his head into a pillow. Because it hits him viciously. How many time Victor probably has. How many people. Even selectively. Even not for long. No one else who would be standing here, like an idiot, frozen, arguing, like Yuri. Who doesn't deserve any of this, or understand in the slightest. All of it is wrong, and all of it hurts.
Victor, who has no issues with any of this. Victor, who has skated things like this. Wrote made Eros and gave it to Yuri.
"-- and I've never even --" Kissed someone until minutes ago, and he's trying to pull his hand back.
He just wants to wrap his arms around himself. Curl his fists by his sides. Vanish. Hide. Stop existing.