He probably doesn't deserve for this apology to be taken, but that doesn't make it any less sincere, even if he's not sorry for all of it.
Not sorry for feeling the way he does. For wanting to show the world. For shouting from the rooftops how amazing Yuri is, how beautiful, how special. Treacherously, he still wants to.
What he's sorry for is this other part of it, the unintended part. Hurting Yuri, when all he'd meant to do was love him, in the way he's used to loving things: loudly, exuberantly, publically.
He's sorry for not thinking, the way he so often doesn't think, and there's no excuse for that. He might have been getting better at putting Yuri first as a skater, but he still has a long way to go in every other way.
All of it meaning that Yuri probably shouldn't accept his apology, because it doesn't make things all right, even if Victor still doesn't understand why they've gone so wrong, and that is a desperate, choking thought. That maybe it isn't. Won't be. Couldn't. Even if Yuri understands, and he looks like he does, watching Victor with that closed and faintly weary expression that only makes him want to duck his head, slump his shoulders, dissolve into a puddle of apology. If he had a tail, it would be between his legs.
But then there's a pressure on his hand, of Yuri's hand, and Yuri is pulling it back up to that spot Victor wasn't sure he'd be allowed to touch: palm against his warm cheek, fingers curving instinctively into his hair, careful around his ear, and Victor takes a sharp breath that feels like cracking glass and makes the whole room pause for a long second before he's in motion.
Pushing forward to wrap that arm around Yuri's shoulders, fingers against the back of his head, his other arm going around Yuri's waist, face into Yuri's shoulder, while Yuri's phone has already fallen somewhere on the bedsheets, forgotten in his sick relief and the need to protect Yuri from that look on his face, even if he's the one who put it there. "I won't say anything else, I'll stop. You can take my phone and ground me, I am terrible. Please forgive me."
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Date: 2017-05-17 12:44 pm (UTC)He probably doesn't deserve for this apology to be taken, but that doesn't make it any less sincere, even if he's not sorry for all of it.
Not sorry for feeling the way he does. For wanting to show the world. For shouting from the rooftops how amazing Yuri is, how beautiful, how special. Treacherously, he still wants to.
What he's sorry for is this other part of it, the unintended part. Hurting Yuri, when all he'd meant to do was love him, in the way he's used to loving things: loudly, exuberantly, publically.
He's sorry for not thinking, the way he so often doesn't think, and there's no excuse for that. He might have been getting better at putting Yuri first as a skater, but he still has a long way to go in every other way.
All of it meaning that Yuri probably shouldn't accept his apology, because it doesn't make things all right, even if Victor still doesn't understand why they've gone so wrong, and that is a desperate, choking thought. That maybe it isn't. Won't be. Couldn't. Even if Yuri understands, and he looks like he does, watching Victor with that closed and faintly weary expression that only makes him want to duck his head, slump his shoulders, dissolve into a puddle of apology. If he had a tail, it would be between his legs.
But then there's a pressure on his hand, of Yuri's hand, and Yuri is pulling it back up to that spot Victor wasn't sure he'd be allowed to touch: palm against his warm cheek, fingers curving instinctively into his hair, careful around his ear, and Victor takes a sharp breath that feels like cracking glass and makes the whole room pause for a long second before he's in motion.
Pushing forward to wrap that arm around Yuri's shoulders, fingers against the back of his head, his other arm going around Yuri's waist, face into Yuri's shoulder, while Yuri's phone has already fallen somewhere on the bedsheets, forgotten in his sick relief and the need to protect Yuri from that look on his face, even if he's the one who put it there. "I won't say anything else, I'll stop. You can take my phone and ground me, I am terrible. Please forgive me."