Yuri isn't looking at him, and his voice is small, but definite in the quiet room, two words that feel deafening even though they're tiny, pebbles dropping in water, and all Victor has is: "Why?"
He still doesn't understand. Not why Yuri's upset, not what he did to upset him, not why Yuri pulled away from him without caring that doing so would mean he'd fall.
Not why Yuri is saying he, Victor shouldn't have said anything, responded at all to the clamoring questions and theories that flooded his notifications last night. Why should he have kept it to himself? Why be silent, when they weren't wrong? "I didn't think it was a secret."
Not those kisses, which were caught on cameras both professional and amateur. Not how he feels. Not how he feels about Yuri. Even when he'd tried to set it aside, it hadn't really been a secret, had it? Why would that change now?
Unless ...
There's a chill building up in the middle of his chest, but he tries to set it aside for now, because Yuri had said, and. He hadn't, not all last night, not every time Victor gave him the chance.
He hadn't changed his mind.
So it's worth trying out other options, before he asks that. Just in case it's the answer he dreads, he'd rather put it off until he can't any longer. "Are you embarrassed by me?"
That's not quite the right question: he knows he accidentally embarrasses Yuri all the time. But. Not like that. Like.
Searching for the right term, something that feels sore and achy and a little hurt. "Are you ashamed of me?"
Why would anyone want to hide this, unless they find it shameful? Something they'd rather the world not know, something they want to keep nudged into the shadows, never spoken of, only occasionally indulged in. The thought hurts, but he pushes on. He needs to know. If he's supposed to be a secret, hidden away and discreet. "Of being with me?"
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Date: 2017-05-16 06:42 pm (UTC)He still doesn't understand. Not why Yuri's upset, not what he did to upset him, not why Yuri pulled away from him without caring that doing so would mean he'd fall.
Not why Yuri is saying he, Victor shouldn't have said anything, responded at all to the clamoring questions and theories that flooded his notifications last night. Why should he have kept it to himself? Why be silent, when they weren't wrong? "I didn't think it was a secret."
Not those kisses, which were caught on cameras both professional and amateur. Not how he feels. Not how he feels about Yuri. Even when he'd tried to set it aside, it hadn't really been a secret, had it? Why would that change now?
Unless ...
There's a chill building up in the middle of his chest, but he tries to set it aside for now, because Yuri had said, and. He hadn't, not all last night, not every time Victor gave him the chance.
He hadn't changed his mind.
So it's worth trying out other options, before he asks that. Just in case it's the answer he dreads, he'd rather put it off until he can't any longer. "Are you embarrassed by me?"
That's not quite the right question: he knows he accidentally embarrasses Yuri all the time. But. Not like that. Like.
Searching for the right term, something that feels sore and achy and a little hurt. "Are you ashamed of me?"
Why would anyone want to hide this, unless they find it shameful? Something they'd rather the world not know, something they want to keep nudged into the shadows, never spoken of, only occasionally indulged in. The thought hurts, but he pushes on. He needs to know. If he's supposed to be a secret, hidden away and discreet. "Of being with me?"