The whole world is upside down, and it feels like it only turns more and more upside down, the more this doesn't go about ending. The more words come out of Victor's mouth, the more Victor goes about touching him, a reflection of things he almost does and instead Victor does easily.
Admissions that Yuri has to pry up with bitten and burning fingers like he was trying to pry it from the ice up from a rink, while it was still below his skates, and Victor whispers than as easy as though it's a relief to just hand things to Yuri.
There are only small pieces that seem to come back in loop. The pain is softening, still there but the exhaustion is starting to clobber him and it. He won a silver medal at his first GPF Qualifier. But before that he got kissed by Victor, for the same skate, and it led here. Victor kissed him. Victor loves him. Victor wants him.
Victor who claimed Yuri seduced him.
Victor who says he's been dreaming of Yuri.
Yuri doesn't think he has words. He doesn't even think he could put them together if he had them. He doesn't know if he knows any language that works. He's not even positive music would work. Maybe not even skating in this second. Maybe nothing would. Victor is right above him. Victor, who just kissed him, gentle, before those words that feel lodged in his bones, but not enough. He doesn't know when that became a thought. Feeling. Not enough. That bounces to wanting, asking too much, and every time Victor told him to. Said please and if you want. Touch me.Kiss me.
His hands lift, somewhere with that, and he tries not to hesitate, not able to look down and see his fingers, whether they are shaking, or at all, hesitating or not, until they are edging the back of his cheeks, fingers curling against Victor's cheeks, brushing his ears, and his hair, and his neck in different places. Not pulling him down.
Not giving into the want to kiss him again.
Not wanting even that to blank out his face right now.
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Date: 2017-05-08 06:06 pm (UTC)The whole world is upside down, and it feels like it only turns more and more upside down, the more this doesn't go about ending. The more words come out of Victor's mouth, the more Victor goes about touching him, a reflection of things he almost does and instead Victor does easily.
Admissions that Yuri has to pry up with bitten and burning fingers like he was trying to pry it from the ice up from a rink, while it was still below his skates, and Victor whispers than as easy as though it's a relief to just hand things to Yuri.
There are only small pieces that seem to come back in loop. The pain is softening, still there but the exhaustion is starting to clobber him and it. He won a silver medal at his first GPF Qualifier. But before that he got kissed by Victor, for the same skate, and it led here. Victor kissed him. Victor loves him. Victor wants him.
Victor who claimed Yuri seduced him.
Victor who says he's been dreaming of Yuri.
Yuri doesn't think he has words. He doesn't even think he could put them together if he had them. He doesn't know if he knows any language that works. He's not even positive music would work. Maybe not even skating in this second. Maybe nothing would. Victor is right above him. Victor, who just kissed him, gentle, before those words that feel lodged in his bones, but not enough. He doesn't know when that became a thought. Feeling. Not enough. That bounces to wanting, asking too much, and every time Victor told him to. Said please and if you want. Touch me. Kiss me.
His hands lift, somewhere with that, and he tries not to hesitate, not able to look down and see his fingers, whether they are shaking, or at all, hesitating or not, until they are edging the back of his cheeks, fingers curling against Victor's cheeks, brushing his ears, and his hair, and his neck in different places. Not pulling him down.
Not giving into the want to kiss him again.
Not wanting even that to blank out his face right now.