That small contented hum, and the faint pressure of Yuri's forehead against his, and the way Yuri drops his eyelashes and his shoulders lift and relax in a breath that feels like a release, all of it is going to destroy him. Maybe has, already, if he thinks in terms of how there may no longer be a Viktor Nikiforov the way there was at this time last year. Single-minded and dedicated, at the very pinnacle of his career and sport.
He gave it all up for this. Before there was a this to even have, and after it was clear he shouldn't hold out hope of it ever happening.
What on earth would Yakov say?
Probably the same thing he's been saying all year, that Victor is selfish and incapable of thinking of anyone else, that he'd run off to be a coach on a whim, even if it was a romantic one. He wonders if there might be any room for sympathy in Yakov if he knew the whole truth, if he could see Victor now, or if all his coach would do would be to mourn the man he lost and blame the one who took his place.
Because this him, the one here and now, the one who made the decision to fly to Japan and throw his own career to the winds, he is as lost on the softness of skin just above the softness of an old t-shirt as he used to be on the perfect curve of a spread eagle. He's happier here, shifting his head so he can settle his forehead in the crook of Yuri's neck, while his arms go around Yuri's ribs, than he ever was in balcony seats for the Mariinsky or standing on top of a podium with the spotlight glinting off the gold around his neck and the rhinestones on his shoulders.
Feels like he can breathe, here, on Yuri's shoulder, arms relaxed and steady, better than he ever could in the middle of the rink, or while watching the gulls lift over the wide sweep of water.
Eyes slipped closed, a peaceful huff of breath relaxing his shoulders, and this could only be better if he could manage to haul Yuri back into his lap so Victor can just wrap around him and drift away –– but reality keeps interrupting, which would be far more aggravating if his reality hadn't just shifted so fundamentally, only a few hours ago. "We should probably clear that food away, if you're done."
Not that he makes any kind of motion at all to do so, considering it would require him to let go of Yuri, and he's not quite ready to do that, just yet.
no subject
He gave it all up for this. Before there was a this to even have, and after it was clear he shouldn't hold out hope of it ever happening.
What on earth would Yakov say?
Probably the same thing he's been saying all year, that Victor is selfish and incapable of thinking of anyone else, that he'd run off to be a coach on a whim, even if it was a romantic one. He wonders if there might be any room for sympathy in Yakov if he knew the whole truth, if he could see Victor now, or if all his coach would do would be to mourn the man he lost and blame the one who took his place.
Because this him, the one here and now, the one who made the decision to fly to Japan and throw his own career to the winds, he is as lost on the softness of skin just above the softness of an old t-shirt as he used to be on the perfect curve of a spread eagle. He's happier here, shifting his head so he can settle his forehead in the crook of Yuri's neck, while his arms go around Yuri's ribs, than he ever was in balcony seats for the Mariinsky or standing on top of a podium with the spotlight glinting off the gold around his neck and the rhinestones on his shoulders.
Feels like he can breathe, here, on Yuri's shoulder, arms relaxed and steady, better than he ever could in the middle of the rink, or while watching the gulls lift over the wide sweep of water.
Eyes slipped closed, a peaceful huff of breath relaxing his shoulders, and this could only be better if he could manage to haul Yuri back into his lap so Victor can just wrap around him and drift away –– but reality keeps interrupting, which would be far more aggravating if his reality hadn't just shifted so fundamentally, only a few hours ago. "We should probably clear that food away, if you're done."
Not that he makes any kind of motion at all to do so, considering it would require him to let go of Yuri, and he's not quite ready to do that, just yet.