It should be impossible, but it feels like Victor's words catch even harder in his throat than the realization of his own. The sliding slippery want and the already present guilty about everything he knows he should do. Which should make it harder to look back at Victor, especially with the door opened, but looking back is
b l i n d i n g.
His shoulders still, but Victor's face has gone radiantly bright even as the combination of his own feeling and Victor's sudden look of something mixing hope and delight sends his heart galloping unevenly. He should say no. He should take it back. He's not even certain quite how to breathe ever when Victor looks like this.
And Victor is looking like that At him. Because he implied... said.
"I should--" He shouldn't is what his head says, even if his mouth stalls on anything that still even agrees he shouldn't have said that, shouldn't be not saying it now. The only taking over his head is the want to reach back out and let his hands frame this expression too. Wants to lean in toward the sudden brilliance of his eyes. Wants to kiss the heart shape his mouth pulls toward when he looks like this.
It makes his inside tremble, his stomach tying itself in knots, dropping his voice softer, uncertain how he can feel both embarrassed about staying and embarrassed about instead saying, "I -- we'll have to get up early." Beat. "Or," there's an awkward little gulp, owning that Victor doesn't actually have to care, Victor, even months later, is still given the grace of being a foreigner.
It finishes awkwardly. "--I should." Blinking, and sure this is probably the least cool thing to say suddenly. "But," slides out next, a little fast, not wanting to sink himself instantly, not wanting to have it pulled away just as suddenly, for not just not caring about his home, his family, the way it's supposed to be, for not being cool enough, for the whole situation here not being what it was a week ago, even days ago. "I could?"
Could stay, if Victor didn't take it back.
Wait.
No.
No, no, a question sounds like he's not even sure, himself, and it tumbles out of his mouth. Even smaller. "I don't want to leave yet."
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Date: 2017-09-11 03:22 am (UTC)It should be impossible, but it feels like Victor's words catch even harder in his throat than the realization of his own. The sliding slippery want and the already present guilty about everything he knows he should do. Which should make it harder to look back at Victor, especially with the door opened, but looking back is
His shoulders still, but Victor's face has gone radiantly bright even as the combination of his own feeling and Victor's sudden look of something mixing hope and delight sends his heart galloping unevenly. He should say no. He should take it back. He's not even certain quite how to breathe ever when Victor looks like this.
And Victor is looking like that
At him. Because he implied... said.
"I should--" He shouldn't is what his head says, even if his mouth stalls on anything that still even agrees he shouldn't have said that, shouldn't be not saying it now. The only taking over his head is the want to reach back out and let his hands frame this expression too. Wants to lean in toward the sudden brilliance of his eyes. Wants to kiss the heart shape his mouth pulls toward when he looks like this.
It makes his inside tremble, his stomach tying itself in knots, dropping his voice softer, uncertain how he can feel both embarrassed about staying and embarrassed about instead saying, "I -- we'll have to get up early." Beat. "Or," there's an awkward little gulp, owning that Victor doesn't actually have to care, Victor, even months later, is still given the grace of being a foreigner.
It finishes awkwardly. "--I should." Blinking, and sure this is probably the least cool thing to say suddenly. "But," slides out next, a little fast, not wanting to sink himself instantly, not wanting to have it pulled away just as suddenly, for not just not caring about his home, his family, the way it's supposed to be, for not being cool enough, for the whole situation here not being what it was a week ago, even days ago. "I could?"
Could stay, if Victor didn't take it back.
Wait.
No.
No, no, a question sounds like he's not even sure, himself,
and it tumbles out of his mouth. Even smaller. "I don't want to leave yet."